Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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