Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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