You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
