so that wasnt chicken after all
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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