i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
