you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
