saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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