She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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