so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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