Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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