SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
