He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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