Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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