Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
