Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
nutella sex= disaster
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize