What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize