he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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