Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
