OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
