Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
