I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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