I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
