we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
