We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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