dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
