I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
