I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
