Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
