I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
