Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
