Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
