I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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