Well apparently he's into motor boating.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
