I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
