so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
