from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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