I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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