I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
