I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
