Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
