the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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