I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
