He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
