Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
