I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
