Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize