Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize