He uses pillows to masturbate.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize