Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
