**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
