Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
