It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
