i think my mom watched the whole time
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
