i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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