You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
