Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
