I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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