you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
