Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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