You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
