i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
