Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
