I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
