I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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